A few years ago when picking up my oldest son from his high school I noticed a young girl getting into the car ahead of me. As she bent over to place her things into the backseat, the rather short skirt that she was wearing lifted so far in the back that is was clearly noticeable that she was wearing NO underwear – no briefs, panties or even a thong.
I nearly got out of my car and approached the vehicle to make her mother aware of her daughter’s wardrobe malfunction. I imagine that if I saw what I shouldn’t have, many others did too!
After watching the car drive away, I wondered if the attention that she gained from wearing no underwear was the “type” of attention that she was hoping to gain or if in her rush to get ready that morning she’d simply forgotten to put any on – it could happen I suppose.
The next week at a volleyball game I began inquiring with several male and female students at the high school as to the attention-seeking behaviors that girls (and boys) used in an effort to gain the attention of the opposite sex.
I was both shocked and alarmed.
There are many psychological reasons for female promiscuity but the most common reason noted is related to a lack of attention by a girl’s dad (male parent) either due to divorce, death, neglect or just indifference. The level of promiscuity increases if the male parent departs when the girl is young, especially prior to the age of 5 years.
Often these girls will look for a male “suitor” to fulfill their Electra complex.
What is an Electra complex? It is the unconscious tendency of a daughter to be attached to her father and hostile toward her mother.
Sadly as these young ladies pursue a male, the males will engage the girls in the game of seduction which can ultimately result in the female being in over her head and perhaps participating in activities that she might otherwise have avoided until a more appropriate age and time. Additionally, once the seduction game has begun it is often very difficult for the girl to stop.
Promiscuity has also been used by many females in an attempt to “hurt” the men they loved and that left, whether it a dad, boyfriend or husband. Through promiscuity, some females feel that they are regaining power.
It is very similar to the “jealousy” game often played using sexuality to hurt someone who previously hurt them. This cycle can be vicious.
Sadly, when girls find someone that isn’t a runner they’ll do anything and everything both consciously and subconsciously in an effort to determine his allegiance and to determine if he’ll be there for the long run.
Some girls are afraid about a repeat offense only this time with the man she’s chosen to love. This type of scenario may actually destroy a positive relationship resulting in the girl being left again.
With the exposure that children have to sexually explicit materials these days including television programming, commercials, movies, the internet and music lyrics, it’s no wonder anyone is capable of leading a normal age-appropriate life.
In fact, statistics have revealed that with the assistance of mass-market media encouragement children are taught that “sex appeal” is a personal quality and one that they need to develop to its fullest. We’re unintentionally putting our children at risk when we allow exposure too many forms of media.
Most families don’t want to remove the television, radios and computers from their homes so perhaps monitoring the selections and setting “locks & limits” will minimize some of the content regularly marketed to younger children, pre-teens and teenagers.
A short review of some of the statistics uncovered revealed the following:
- 83% of the top 20 shows on television contained some sexual content including 20% with sexual intercourse.
- 42% of the songs on CD’s contained sexual content; 19% contained direct descriptions of sexual intercourse.
- On average, music videos contain 93 sexual situations per hour including eleven “hard core” scenes depicting intercourse and oral sex.
- Research conducted concluded that girls who watched more than 14 hours of rap music videos per week were more likely to have multiple sexual partners and be diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease.
- Prior to parental uproar, a very popular clothing store marketed a line of thong underwear decorated with phrases such as “Wink” and “Eye Candy” to 10-year old girls. These types of media influences can be part of the reason our youth are so confused and misguided.
Often and most common is the teenage girl lacking self-confidence and/or self-esteem that practices promiscuity to gain the affection and/or attention of the opposite sex. In high schools there tends to be a great deal of “sexual competition” as well as many opportunities for sexual engagements.
In fact, if your teenager doesn’t talk to you or share with you about the “on-goings” at school and parties, you might want to inquire with him/her or another parent with whom you’ve established a relationship as the information that you learn will definitely inspire you to become more involved. You’d be shocked to know what is going on in your area with teens.
While adults have the capacity to recognize and understand that sex is merely a means to an end and in no way, shape or form will it create a binding agent as it relates to love (other than perhaps an unplanned pregnancy which will forever bind a non-couple) teenage girls may not.
Sadly, the girl who uses sexual promiscuity to land the fish will eventually run out of bait and the hooked fish will get away. For the girl the same pointless cycle will continue to repeat itself as she attempts to be noticed by the opposite sex with the same outcome.
The girl is quite possibly incapable of realizing that this behavior is not working or is futile although she may convince herself that she is beautiful, popular and desired by many.
Another common example of teenage promiscuity is when the teenager sees a guy with whom she finds attraction and begins the chase. She dresses promiscuously and perhaps inappropriately i.e. short skirts, low-cut shirts, tight shorts or jeans leaving nothing to the imagination, no bra or even underwear, clingy clothing, etc… in an effort to attract him sexually.
Shortly after meeting, she’s jumping in the sack with him and confuses sex with love. Girls who are unable to differentiate true feelings of love from puppy love, sex, infatuation and lust are typically those that will move-in with a young man only to have the relationship (sex) fall apart within 3 to 6 months when they “break-up”.
This cycle is often repeated.
Parents, it is up to us to break the never ending cycle. Evidence suggests that commitments and values can vary from school to school, county to county (even within a county) and state to state making curriculum difficult to tackle in schools.
Research suggests that parents and religious beliefs are a potent one-two combination when it comes to influencing a teenager’s decision(s) regarding whether to have sex or practice abstinence.
Parents are and should be the most influential person(s) in helping their teens make the decision to abstain.
How can this be done? It can be as simple as:
- Maintaining a warm and loving relationship with your children.
- Letting teens know that they are expected to abstain from sex until marriage. (Although it might not happen but if you don’t discuss it, they won’t know your opinions and the reasons behind them).
- Encourage and maintain an open line of communication with your children. Never avoid or feel uncomfortable (in their presence) about discussing “sensitive” issues with your children (and if you are – put on your game face). If your children feel comfortable talking to you about issues that are serious in nature although often “embarrassing” they won’t choose to go somewhere else for the information, i.e. friends, internet. Wouldn’t you rather provide sound guidance, counseling and advice to your child over a friend on the football team or cheerleading squad with whom you have no idea what they’ll advise?
- When parents are involved in their children’s lives and share their religious and moral value system with them, they will see less risky and immoral behavior(s) from their children. Morals are not abstractions. Parents and other adults with whom your child associates must demonstrate good moral decisions and teach them through proper modeling the differences between devotion and infatuation in order for them to process and make the distinction in their hearts and minds.
Teenagers, especially teenage girls, need to be counseled and guided to understand the difference between sexual relationships as a way to fill the void that they are experiencing from either the loss of a male parent or even indifference as demonstrated by their father or as a method of establishing a false sense of self-worth or self-esteem and love.
Sex does not equal love and if a child is attempting to obtain the love that she is missing from her father, sex is not the answer. She may give but she’ll never receive what it is that she’s looking for in return.
Please talk with your teenager today BEFORE it is too late and the vicious cycle begins.